If it’s a weekday morning on HOT 1027 Breakfast, chances are you’ve heard the unmistakable voice of one of our most colourful regulars: Maureen Lipschitz of Lipitz Properties, Plettenberg Bay. And after a long silence, she finally returned to the show this week — opening with a greeting so familiar that Simon recognised her before she’d even introduced herself.

But Maureen never just pops in for a quick hello.

Before anyone could catch their breath, she launched into an update that only she could deliver — starting with the fact that she’s recently had what she calls a “hip bypass surgery”… a procedure which, in typical Maureen fashion, came with a description no medical professional would endorse. She insists she’s recovering well, though, and that it’s “a convenient time” for a quick chat.

From there, she took Simon — and every listener — on a wild trip down memory lane, reminiscing about the birth of her son, Maurice; her complicated history with his father, Jeffrey; and even the full-page newspaper advert she once placed to announce her newborn’s “eviction” after nine months. Only Maureen could recount a restraining order, a property deal, and a punchline in the same breath.

And if you think that’s the strangest part… you’ll want to listen to the full call.

Of course, no call from Maureen would be complete without a sales pitch. This time, she’s holding onto what she describes as a “no-bed, half-bath, lock-up-and-go studio apartment” in the greater Goose Valley–Uplands (or, as she calls it, the “GUA”) area — a steal at a mere 16 million rand, negotiable “with a bit of licence.”

Simon politely declined.

But Maureen? She’ll keep his name on file. As always.