If you thought the festive season was already off to a wild start, wait until you hear who phoned into HOT 1027 Breakfast this morning. Just as Parky and Bunny were settling into the show, the studio line rang… and what followed was peak holiday mayhem.

On the other end? None other than Ryland Poggenpoel — the ever-enthusiastic, ever-resourceful mastermind behind “Ryland’s Christmas Cross Border Repatriations.” And this year, business is apparently booming.

Calling “live from Beitbridge,” Ryland launched into what can only be described as an entrepreneurial masterclass in questionable logistics. With demand at an “unprecedented high,” he proudly announced his newly expanded fleet — including dozens of Nissan “chimps” and an alarming number of rubber dinghies supposedly selected with crocodile behaviour in mind.

Naturally, each travel option comes with its own… unique amenities. Ryland took great joy in describing the “luxury” of his premium package, complete with glow-in-the-dark ceiling stickers, floral mattresses, and a very specific brand of one-ply toilet paper. More budget-friendly customers, however, are treated to his festive rubber dinghies — and yes, they come with Christmas crackers.

What’s inside those crackers has to be heard to be believed, but let’s just say Ryland claims to be offering everything from Freddo chocolates to a once-in-a-lifetime “Golden Visa.”

By this point, Parky and Bunny were barely holding the show together — and Ryland wasn’t done yet.

If you missed this absolutely unhinged holiday call, do yourself a favour and listen back. It’s the kind of festive chaos you only get on HOT 1027 Breakfast.

👉 Hear Ryland’s full call below