Is there anything less romantic than a restaurant on Valentine’s Day? Disappointment, price-gouging and indigestion are almost always the order of the day. Frankly, February 14^th is the worst night of the year to eat out. Behind your back many restaurateurs and chefs charmingly refer to Valentine’s Day as ‘amateur night’ because of the kind of customers it attracts. People who generally venture no further than chain eateries suddenly seek out posh nosh. Fine dining establishments take advantage of inexperience – prices go up and the quality goes down.

Some historians say that St Valentine never actually existed. Others argue that he was a 4^th century celibate who was clubbed to death and then also beheaded. Whichever story you believe, when the absurdly inflated bill arrives at the end of a candlelit dinner for two, many lovers feel at least some of our battered, headless protagonist’s pain.

This year, skip the wilting roses and melting chocolate hearts of restaurant romance. Cook up your own amorous epicurean experience at home. This will not only save you money but also allow you to customise the cuisine. Relationships evolve but set menus serve the same story for every couple in the dining room. First date dining shouldn’t mimic a marriage-proposal feast. Or anniversary eating. Homemade romantic meals can acknowledge and celebrate each lovely life stage.

• New love: Giant chocolate-chip cookie for two
• Testing your feelings: Crocodile Ceviche
• The True Love Cocktail
• Proposal stage: Marry Me Chicken
• Long-lasting love: Moules Marinière

Within some Zulu cosmological frameworks ingwenya (crocodile) is understood as a liminal species, living between water and land, surface and depth, visible and hidden worlds. Because of this, crocodile meat can be consumed to reveal what is real beneath what is imposed. Use it to neutralise muthi that interferes with free will – including love medicines intended to induce attraction, obsession, or infatuation.
The belief is not that crocodile creates or destroys love, but rather that eating it strips away artificial influence revealing and restoring truth. If, after consuming crocodile meat, the feelings of love remain, then the attachment is genuine. If the feelings fade, they were not real. Crucially, this is not casual practice and should be undertaken with the guidance of isangoma or inyanga.
Crocodile is closer in taste and texture to firm white fish than to any land animal. The recipe below calls for the meat to be lightly cured in acid – this will transform the proteins and thereby ‘cook’ the meat without heat. Be warned, crocodile is extremely lean. If it is exposed to the lemon juice for too long it will become rubbery. Do not exceed the short curing time described in the recipe. Use only legally farmed, inspected crocodile meat.