With winter biting hard in Gauteng, a surprise call from the warmer climes of the Garden Route is enough to make anyone dream of escape. Add a sea breeze, a sunset view, and a property pitch from the ever-enthusiastic Maureen Lipschitz — and suddenly, you’re halfway to making an offer.

The HOT 1027 Breakfast team took one such call, from none other than the fictitious estate agent herself. “If the property fits, it must be Lipschitz,” Maureen declared, before launching into a whirlwind tale of inheritance, real estate, and unapologetic commission pride.

Dialling in from the GPBMA (that’s the Greater Plettenberg Bay Metropolitan Area, otherwise known as Mossel Bay), Maureen offered up a “prefab fixer-upper” with a “fab-fab future” — all yours for a cool R13 million. Or R12.5 million, if you’re cheeky.

The clincher? A breathtaking view of “prominent South African architecture” — namely, the Mossgas refinery. “Those flames, Simon! It’s like the Northern Lights on steroids!” she exclaimed, adding that the spectacle would transport any Rhodesian straight back to Lake Kariba.

But this wasn’t just about property. It was about legacy. Maureen proudly revealed she inherited three things from the late, great Pam Golding: her green Citroën DS21, her iconic sold-sign hammer, and a steely resolve to never compromise on commission.

The call ended — barely — before the news bulletin, but not before Maureen added Simon to her list of “interested buyers.”

Winter may have Johannesburg in its grip, but with Maureen on the line, dreams of a seaside escape are never far off.

Listen to Maureen’s call to HOT 1027 Breakfast here: